Adventures of a dramaticgirl
I am a unique combination of awesome and ridiculous and I thought I would share. You're welcome.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
These are the friends I have??!!
DISCLAIMER!!!! IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED, PLEASE SKIP THE FOLLOWING POST! If you are kind of offended, you will probably laugh. We mean NO OFFENSE!!!!!
..so this one time..back in Vietnam..I was crawling through the trenches, trying to get back to my men..when all of a sudden...
80 pounds of strawberry ice cream fell on my face.
And I thought myself.....OH SHIT I'm lactoseintolerant......god
damn ice cream storms.....so I held my breath and started to dive when all of a sudden.......
...I hiccuped...and choked. As I finally coughed my way to the surface of the Strawberry Ice Cream Mountain..I found myself face to face with...
An epileptic seizure FML!!!!! I started twitching and tripped right over the barbwire and down a hill I broke 3 bones CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT!!!! And all the while foaming at the mouth!!!!!! I blacked out and when I woke up........
I was strapped to a camel...being led along by infidels..somehow I had been out long enough to travel from Vietnam to Iraq..I was worried they would try and torture me for information..not that I would ever crack..and the next thing you know..I saw TEAM AMERICA and they were all....
Busy crapping on each others chests and having sex. I was like " FUCK this is what happens when you rely on americans!" then this dude with a hockey stick came by...asked the durka durkas....i mean iraqis....if there deformed horses needed some water....he led us thru the desert to a........
deep dark cave........he led us to wut.....OSAMA BIN FUCKING LADIN....and i was all........A LALALALALALALALALAL DIRKA DIRKA G-HAD BINDER!!!!!!!........... now to any normal american that would sound digustingly scary and a little bit offensive but to osama....mutherfucker took me in like i was his own suicidal son........
so after some afghani kush ( what did you expect) Osama was so stoned..that he fell asleep..so I took his favorite camel and all his WMDs (which are actually quite small) and ran away...suddenly the camel tripped...and broke his hump...what happens when a camel breaks a hump..he turns into a llama...so I bailed..and hijacked a jet..I was just getting ready to take off..when a goat landed on my windshield...so then I...
realised i hadnt hijacked a jet...I was sitting in the middle of a GOD DAMN SAND DUNE ( fucking kush) and it wasnt my windshield a goat landed on it was the WMD! I dropped that WMD like it was a bowl full of ice cream ( lactose intolerant remember) and started running for my life when all of a sudden..............
turned around to find the fucking goat chasing me WTS running through iraq to save my life and i have a FUCKING GOAT TRYING TO HUMP MY LEG ( i know wut ur thinking...wut about the WMD) turns out that it was osama's dialisas machine....no wonder he passed out so quickly (GOD DAMN KUSH) needless to say the WMD did NOT go off and was stuck in the middle of nowhere with a horny goat.........i had to think fast!!! i look to my left and all i could see was......
a machine gun...so I killed the horny goat..and took off running again..I ran and I ran and I ran and I finally ended up in a small village. In the middle of the village was a hot air balloon..so I jumped in and took off. I sailed across th
e sky for a couple hours..and realized I hadn't eaten in days..( I should have eaten the goat!) and the munchies were terrible..so I started eating the Balloon. I know, I know, next time I should land first..but I ate a hole in the balloon and it crashed. I broke both my legs on impact and thought I was doomed...out of a sandstorm..came CHUCK NORRIS..and he said....
"yo whats up n***a?!" I was all like thank god chuck norris I Needed a miracle! I asked him if he could get me back to some place sane...he grinned a silly grin and 80 butterflies died from the power of it and all of a sudden POOF im in a field...it smells really nice then i notice the river...and im all fuck thank god some water that will help....then i noticed the fucking river was BROWN! all of a sudden these orange midgets show up and........
This story is still under continuation...but I laughed so hard when I read it..that I had to share. Like I said. We have some fucked up humour going on...
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