Monday, November 22, 2010

The Truth as learned by the Internet

Truth for Mature Humans

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm front.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this - ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dang it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.
31. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button
from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

I have been hiding under the covers..I'm sorry

So I have been away for a bit, mostly because I can't seem to find something funny to say..sure I can find things on the internet that are funny, but everyone does that. I could post updates about my life..but that's what Facebook is for. I could condense it into 140 characters..but that is why they have Twitter. So basically I'm kind of stuck..and not sure how to remedy the situation.

I added some new stuff to the layout to make it more fun, and an adult content warning. Because I'm socially responsible. Ha. That makes me giggle. Which is immature. So I suppose I am a direct contradiction of myself. Great. More angst. I thought that ended when I left my teens. "Who am I?" Shit, that's more of a question now than it's ever been.

Oh..shit..that's getting deep..hmm a change of subject. Ok..remember my post about snow? Well that was just a joke that Mother Nature decided to drop on us. It barely stuck. 7 days started snowing, and it has barely stopped. Not to mention the -20 temp. with an added -10 windchill. Good god. I hate winter. It makes me vile and angry. It also makes me yell at random strangers for things like not shovelling the sidewalk. Really?'s been snowing for a week and you can't get off your ass to shovel once? I'm not doing your sidewalk, you are 3 blocks away from me..and I live on a corner I have more sidewalk anyway.

It seriously makes me want to beat people up. Which is not really helpful. And makes me late for classes. Which when you are going to school for a legal assistant diploma is not exactly effective or legal. lol.

So anyway..I will try and think of something good to post. Until then. Hyperbole and a half and Books of Adam are the two best blogs on the internet if you love to laugh. I want to be them. Not at the same time..but individually for an hour or two..would be cool. :)

Stay warm. Because Winter fucking sucks.