Thursday, March 17, 2011

Just to the left of famous..

So, I am addicted to Twitter, and it usually treats me well. I have posted almost 3000 tweets, and have gotten a few responses from "celebrities" and authors I respect and admire..and then....

I posted a tweet about the Fun Fearless Males in Cosmo magazine last month. They were beautiful, and I quite liked it. So Cosmo magazine re-tweeted it ( which is posting it on their own page, so their followers can see it. ) Which was cool, and I appreciated.

The other day, I bought the new issue of Cosmo after work, and I was sitting outside having a smoke, I came across What People Are Talking About, and the second tweet they put was mine. Now, I will tell you with all honesty, that I have never been so excited in my life! I came running inside, and started yelling random things at my man, who gave me that blank look that men give you when they are playing video games.

It's been a couple days, and I'm still as excited as I was when I found it. It's not every day, that out of probably thousands of tweets, that they picked mine and put it in their magazine.

In other news, I found the money to pay my lawyer without resorting to prostitution or selling drugs or a kidney. :)

I close with a post from Facebook that made me smile..I hope you do too.


 1. Vancouver : 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do the math.
2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.
3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.
5. Weed.

 1. Big rock between you and B.C.
 2. Ottawa who?
 3. Tax is 5% instead of the approximately 200% it is for the rest of the country.
 4. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.
 5. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own country.
 6. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.

 1. You never run out of wheat.
 2. Your province is really easy to draw.
 3. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.
 4. People will assume you live on a farm.
5. Daylight savings time? Who the hell needs that!

 1. You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have a beachfront property.
 2. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.
 3. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.
 4. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.
 5. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.

 1. You live in the centre of the universe.
 2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
 3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.
 4. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.

 1. Racism is socially acceptable.
 2. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out next.
3. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada .
 4. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo A*#!%!"

 1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.
 2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.
 3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick .
 4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.

 1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think they can.
 2. You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and wear a kilt.
3. You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money.

 1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island , you still got the big, new bridge.
 2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.
 3. You can drive across the province in two minutes.
 4. Everyone has been an extra on "Road to Avonlea."
 5. This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from.
 6. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.

 1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.
 2. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
 3. The workday is about two hours long.
 4. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your wedding.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

and a good day to you...

Do you have any idea how hard it is to sell a kidney around here?

I am trying to find legal ways to make money, and aside from selling a kidney, or maybe renting my uterus..I'm having a hard time coming up with ideas. My wife, because she is awesome is having a bake sale/fundraiser through her economics class to help me raise some money, and I am working 4 or 5 days a week...but damn this is hard!

And prostitution is out, I don't really want to have sex with strangers. So is any kind of illegal activity because
a) I'm not a devious or evil person and crime isn't really my style and
b)  My lawyer probably wouldn't appreciate dirty money. He's not P. Diddy. (That would be kind of cool though)

So I sit, and I think, and I work at night making my customers laugh, and serving the best pizza and steak in town. Collecting tips, hoping to win the lottery, and thinking about a career in Stand Up Comedy...and what it would feel like to wake up in a bathtub full of ice.



Monday, January 3, 2011

An Epic Wave of Frustration

So..I haven't posted in forever because I am
a.) Busy
b.) Lazy
c.) Moderately Forgetful
d.) A complete scatterbrain

I am currently on break from my classes at school, which is good, because I have a shitload of homework to do, but also, because I am stressing about a million different things right now, and it's hard to make my brain focus on Real Estate projects when I owe out thousands and thousands of dollars that I don't have to roughly one million people. I will probably never own my own home (unless I marry rich) so fuck all these fake bastards that have 2 or 3.

My other major issue is court. I'm in a stupid battle for something I already have, that no one should be able to take away from me in the first place. But..I won't go into details..this isn't WikiLeaks.

I am working part time, I am going to school, I have a child, and among other things...I am being pulled in what feels like a million directions, with little thoughts bubbles surrounding me, and everyone in the yelling. Grades up, attendance up, tuition paid, go to work, raise your son, keep your home life happy, be faithful, be honest, be true,be all you can be. FUCK THAT. How do people manage to keep themselves going and not burn out from all that life throws at you??

I have been through worse. I beat a crippling addiction, and a life on the streets. I have a beautiful, healthy, happy child, and a nice home. I work hard, I try to be decent. I know that I'm moody, and sometimes I'm hard to live with..but who wouldn't be? I dare someone to walk in my shoes, and tell me that you can do a better job, after the life that I led, and the way I abused the world around me, and grow to be a strong and independant healthy adult.

I know that things are going to work out, but the stress of money is almost overwhelming. I can make it. I am determined. My child deserves everything life can offer, and I will be the one to provide it to him.

I'm not sure where this all came from, but I'm tired, and I need to go to bed.

Happy New Year. 2011 better watch it. I'm going to kick this years ASS.